Changed of song, the last one was banned on youtube. That's just fucked up. Soon i'll change the outlook of the blog, seems like there's some error on the page. Now, im just plain lazy.

The reason i choosed this song is because...

Don't know? Just an old song. Nothing special. Just miss listening to it. I think it's about the end of a relationship and missing someone. Don't complain that it's emo. You guys just love emo shit. Admit it.
Anyway, the lyrics are here. Enjoy.

Sober by Butch Walker.

Can you please, remind me how you feel?

This emptiness is real, I can't bear the thought of it.

and please, remind me how to smile, I lost track after awhile.

Is happiness so hard to get?


Is it me, or is this over?

As I got sober, I watched you fade away.

Is it me, or is this ending?

As I was pretending, I watched you fade away.


I didn't know, that time could move so slow,

when you've got nowhere to go, the silence is so deafening.

Waking up, on the wrong side of your mind.

How could I have been so blind, to see I'm losing everything?


Is it me, or is this over?

As I got sober, I watched you fade away.

Is it me, or is this ending?

As I was pretending, I watched you fade away.


Oh, Sooner or later, we gotta stop this elevator.

You go your way and I'll go mine, I'm sure that I'll be fine.


Now is it me, or is this over?

As I got sober, I watched you fade away.

Is it me, or is this ending?

As I was pretending, I watched you fade away.

Sober, as I got sober.

As I got sober, I watched you fade, I watched you fade.

Is it of lies, masks and pretences or is it of rawness, realness and lack of control? Do you wanna be someone who puts everything on the surface or someone who have nothing on the face?

i choose to be someone who puts everything on the surface, a hypocrite and someone who live in his lies. Just like in the dreams, i want everything to be accustomed to my preference.

Dear chocolate, if you're reading this, you have been a naughty naughty bad girl. Do not come to my blog and read. Last warning for you. Dear diary, today i learnt a lil of french. Here are the words. chocolate - chocolat bitch - chienne stupid - stupide crazy - fou tais-toi - shut up vagin - vagina meme - same non - no!!!! I'm still into thai more than french. chai krap, laa gon krap.

As promised, today im gonna update on about the people here. First of all, i think my social anxiety had just broke a record and hit a new low. For the whole week, I had exchanged less than 20 sentences with the people here excluding myself. But, i have a partner! YES! also an intern. Let's call him dick. Yeap, he's a big one. He always use those kind of eyes, hate you kind. In the first place i've tried. I've tried making friends with him. I used the friendly and act close technique. The way he talk, is like a really really dick person. Whenever i go for lunch/break i would ask if wanna follow. He always decline me. When he go, he'll never ever ask. So normally i'll go for lunch alone. Like a forever alone. I don't know what his problem is seriously. Sometimes i see he's like wanna talk to me, but shy. Then i'll talk to him but he's be back to a dick. So after a few days i never try to strike up conversations anymore. I hope this situation changes for the better or i'm going to start talking to the monitor keyboard and water bottle.

Attachment to UTAC

I know that I have put blogging aside for a very long time. My apologies. (Why do I have to say this? It’s not as if the blog have feelings. But why do I still feel as though my pet died because I didn’t feed it…) Now I have a lot of free time to spare so…. When darkness turns to light it ends tonight. I have many past,…… let’s say… happenings to blog about. But for now I’m fucking lazy to slowly reminisce all of it. It had became quite a serious problem. I’m even typing with one hand now.

The reason I came back to rant is because I’m fucking bored out of my mind that I have urges to bite myself. Let’s hear the whole story shall we…?

I started 3rd year attachment for the final year of my poly life. Feels quite slow though because most of my poly mates are unofficial graduates now. You know? In every class there will be one person that will stay back to repeat because of bad results. That will be me. I know right sucks to be me. I’m the one playing sacrifice so that he will have mercy on everyone. Poor thing me. It’s not like I played too much, missed lessons too much, smoked too much, and didn’t really study so I have to push the blame on the lord. Really….. it’s not like that.

I’m attached to a company name UTAC. In the IT department. The allowance is $600 per month. Monday to Friday 8.00am to 5.15pm. After some calculation, round up to be $3.40/hour. Yes round up. Worse than working at macs. Life. Worst thing is they employed me to pretend to work there. At least this is how it feels like. Of course I have work to be done. The workload is like 10mins k im done. The scenario is, I used 10mins of Monday to finish the work then for the rest of Monday… Tuesday… of the week, I have to sit down there and pretend to be working on the 10 mins assignment. No social media, no movies, no sleeping beauty, everything nonono, but ciggrattes YES. So I have been smoking a lot since I start working here. Tell me what else should I do?! YOU TELL ME NOW YOU TELL ME NOW!!

Next post will be about the colleagues here.

Have you seen the world?

He'll get paid. Black leather boots, they cut off his hair.

He kicked in the door. The children they cried. They took him away. Took off his clothes, pissed in his hands. Beat him with guns and batons again and again.

She walked. With bullets in haze. She pressed on. He fired away. The shells jumped through the smoke. The blood now had soaked. She collapsed with a flag white as snow.

Sometimes i choose to be lost. No, no lost, to live in my own world. To attend to only myself. Serenity, a oasis, a haven, a controlled environment where one feels safe, comfort. It is easier this way. But perhaps this may not the right thing to do. To run away. To avoid. To hide away. Ultimately, it's up to yourself.

Shameless(a show about a struggling family of 5 children fighting for survival against reality) it's a really inspiring show. Be it money/work/love problems hit against them, they still survive. I like how the way they help each other and solve things together. The point is they NEVER run away from anything. I think that's the main reason i like it. I encourage my guest to watch it. Anyway, contain many sexual scenes k.

Be hopeful my guest! Live with arms wide open, get hurt, recoil back into your own world. Then break out of your shell to welcome and let the world in again. Life is a constant flux anyway. What doesn't kill, makes you stronger.

Do you think it's meant to be? I've been thinking. It almost seems that if it's meant to be, everything in the universe would turn in one direction forcing you to get there. If it's not meant to be, everything in the universe would conspire to not get you there. The path is taken.

I hate to let the universe takes control. I hate to have to say "no choice lor". It makes me feel really, irresponsible in a way. Fuck this shit

Now it feels like im only living in this world alone. My family they dont care, my friends they only care about themselves. I feel that this world is so selfish. Because everybody thinks that i can help myself. I can do this alone. I am the strongest man in the world. But the truth is im not. I need all the help i can get. What if i screw up?

At times i feel really useless. When my friends confided their problems in me, i could only listen. Now even accomplishing something simple seems so hard for me. Hoping for a better me. I hate hoping. Because it only brings disappointment. Why do people have hope?

Im disappointed the second time, for the same situation. Humans can be so dumb sometimes. You go through some rough time, you look at the blue sky and you carry some hope again. This ritual can go on forever. Only the blue sky, still the blue sky.

Why did they taught us to share, then want us to be independent? I used to share. But people took them away. Lesson learnt. Used to be independent. But people took them away. What do you want from me?

Im lost.. I dont even know why am i here. Doing all these stuffs which has no meaning. I wish someone up there that understands, give me some guidelines, control me, make me go your way, so i can live the life you want.. I dont know whats going on...