Im starting to miss those awful times during army days.
In the early morning run
With my fieldpack on my back
With an aching in my heart
And my body full of sweat
Im a long long way from home
And I miss my lover so
In the early morning march
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
When the cold wind blows
I know I know
You have to go
But hurry back home
Cause I miss you so
https://youtu.be/Bmxp3qnLF_8
I lied. I lied for you. It's my promise and I will keep it. Though it hurts me like hell. At least this is the most I can do. Dont know how to live with my lies. Am I delusional? Somehow I have this bipolar syndrome inside. Sometimes I feel like im someone else. The more knifes you throw at me, the more I will hurl myself at it. Dont ever want to discuss any future again because I dont hope anymore. Oh sure I can.
I don't know anymore. Wont hope for anything else as well. This is my long term problem. Too hopeful = hopeless as a person. Too much expectations may lead to too much disappointments that the heart cannot handle. If you want to meet then we'll meet. If you dont want to, then we'll not meet. Simplicity at it's best. Just someone to enjoy life together. No expectations from eachother and we won't suffer anymore injuries. Only enjoyments, no sufferings. Ain't that great? Dont you agree with me?
Is silence really the best choice now? It seems as though my expectations are rising as we walk further. Is it normal for that to be happening? A part of me don't want that to happen, I don't want you to change anything for me. I like the rose red. Another part just wants to customize your life, your behavior, take control of everything. Ah, a game of the sims. Hah. Im sorry, the truth is, I just want you to believe in me, have faith that I will stay, I will stay to be the one. I will be more than enough for you, believe in love, get drunk in it, lay everything down on me and stop looking elsewhere. Just look at us. Please, can you achieve that? Please show me you can, we can.
Breathe.. Just breathe.. Show the world how strong you are.. No more tears,no more tears. You've been trained. You should be stronger
She left us. That was the last message my sister left me. It came all so suddenly. Last week I was in the hospital, she was talking and smiling. Looking healthy. This afternoon, her dad was still talking to her. But she left too fast, in just a moment of time. I was in the icu and I saw her still breathing. It wasn't her breathing. It was a machine connected to her lungs making her breathe. Her mother was there, calling out to her. Wake up baby, wake up! Even though she knew there was no miracle. We all knew. But she didnt give up. Her eyes were sore. Her dad just sits in one corner letting out gasps of sigh. I stood by knowing there was nothing left to do. But, just pray. Rest in peace in the land of clouds. You will continue living in the hearts of family and friends. Is there really, no miracle?
What are you afraid of? You were brave.. Are you still? I highly doubt you are. Now that I have so much, fear starts to arise as well. One day my whole world will come crushing down on me. Someone once told me, real courage is having fears but still jumping anyways. That's fearless. I hope you're still fearless. I really hope so. But ive come so far, gotta get through with it. Almost got away, but you held on to me. That's what I'm afraid of. Hurting you
I thought ill never tear again. I really thought so. Because I have a cold heart, a really cold one. Since when did you turn weak? Through this short period of time, you cast a spell, you did it. You warmth me, made me alive again. But you made me weak as hell. I cant let you in anymore. Brace yourself kelvin, take caution, you better.
Tonight I wonder, many times through my mind. Is it magic? Is it touch? Is it comfort? Is it seeing? Is it listening or is it words? Is it thoughts? Is it the brain or the heart? How do you love? How do I love? I just can't figure it out. What do you do when what you need is something that is bad for you? I guess there ain't no choice over here.
Show me how you feel, rather than telling me. Because when you do, you dont have to tell me anymore, it's more than words can say.
