I wish...

If fate wants to punish somebody in my life, my love ones, my mom... my sister... my close friends... please...... let it be me.... i could give up my life for them..... not like a hero, but i just cant go through the pain watching something most precious to me disappearing from my life when i could do nothing... helpless, pathetic..... imaginating the scenario made me felt even worse. I could bang myself for imaginating things like that... But then again, if i was removed from the picture, people who loved me, would have to go through that pain..... Im really sorry...... please dont cry.... live happily for me..... ill thank fate for letting me be the first one gone, know that i cherished my love ones... ill be contented even when im up there..., or down there... No Regrets

This almost sounded like a last letter. Lemme add a sign off... Anyway, im a heavy thinker, i think when i got nothing to do, when im in the train going somewhere else, listening to music, my mind just fades off to Mars... I wont even pay attention to the music, sometimes when i do, it makes me think of somebody in the Moon... Id rather not pay attention... But, im pretty sure, ill be thinking of the Moon every now and then.......

I wanna try standing alone in the rain during midnight with a full Moon.... Soon. I wont even care if people sees me or what... let them think im a crazy weird drunk fella.... from now on ill be bolder... i changed the blog song..... i feel super upset listening to it.... but i wont cry... all my training had make my eyes turned into cold rocks.. Sometimes i tell myself, Kelvin, why are you different from others.. why cant you work even harder.. try harder.. try harder.. move kelvin, move on now... need some motivation... i guess. I know... people call me Emo, Weird, Crazy... Sometimes it hurts when you get that from somebody u trust, even though you know it aint on purpose.. ill try to be accustomed to it. Id like to be alone for now........... Hate to smile

Love, Kelvin