Everything sucks

Gratitude to an old friend for shining a light in my labyrinth of darkness. The unspoken room is a place full of rainbows and unicorns. It felt like ive traveled through time back to the 6 years old me and im brought to a theme park and i can do whatever. Felt like a light weight umbrella covered the dark clouds hovering over.

But the next day everything sucks again. hahaha..

Words are just words. Dont have to ask if we still stand a chance because i would say no with a straight face. I cant help it to behave like a vengeful spirit. Dont have to suspect me doing whatever funny things because im never wired that way. Im fucking strong and you should know better. 

Retribution

Funny how life can change in a blink of an eye. It did.
Funny how i felt my life was fulfilled 4 years ago. It was.
Funny how stucked i'm feeling right now. How can i continue?
Funny how you look up but it doesn't really help at all. Futile.
Funny how people can throw my lifetime's decision away. It's MY lifetime.

Jason Mraz - Unlonely

Mistakes after mistakes

We usually remain casual until we did wrong, and only once it's done, we contemplate on not doing it again. Now, I'm contemplating on whether to continue making this mistake or do the right thing, follow the righteous path. So much, or rather all of me wants to commit it anyways, because of human nature, because of risk and danger. Because it's when there is a risk or danger, excitement comes together as a package. Future me, i'm sorry i will go on committing this mistake as a lesson to be learnt. Courage comes to open up my heart again, i dare to get hurt once again. It's casual, nothing serious here, fuck. You're my friend, fuck. Friends help each other sometimes, fuck. No drama here, fuck.

After all, I can act well. Maybe better than you think.

Nothing much

I lost it. Just cant find the warm fuzzy anymore. I looked hard for it. But nothing. So nothingness. Nothingness is nothing. So ill always be craving for some excitement. But nothingness is great too. We need a positive view on nothingness. When you are so detached from life that you agree that youve got nothing and aint needing nothing.

Change

Things aren't always what they seem. Our fears can play tricks on us, making us afraid to change course, afraid to move on. But usually hidden behind those fears are second chances waiting to be seized. Second chances at life, at glory, at family, at love. These opportunities don't come around everyday, so when they do we have to be brave, take a chance, and grab them while we can.

It burns

Im shaking with anger
Blood boiling throughout
Brain is overloaded with words unspoken
Fist are clenching
Nails digging into my skin
I like to yell out go fuck yourselves
But wouldnt that be rude

We are told to speak our minds but when we do nothing good comes out of it. Watch your language

I wish it was that simple

走着
看着
听着
你唱着
小幸福
我又怎能舍得放弃你呢？

Just harsh

Look at the way you respect me now.. Sarcasm.. Brainless.. Annoying..

Of lies and pretenses

Recently, ive learnt two new things. I logicalized that getting to know and meeting up with new people actually makes you experience things that you are not able to with the same group of people. When youre with someone for a long time, you tend to be accustom to them. What they love dearly, detest, you know it. Sometimes people do things for you, vice versa. What im trying to express here, is maybe periodically you may develop a new character which is not so you, to satisfy another individual. I emphasize on the being yourself character, I still do. I get upset about the lies and pretenses of people. How dare they? I may be reckless but do they think im foolish and naive as well? I am a liar, like most people I know. Though, im so sick to the back teeth in this circle of deception.

Because of confidence
Because you're trying to protect yourself